Dating men too nice
I remember seeing a movie called Fish Tank with a guy I was dating in college.In one scene, the main character – a teenage girl – was partially undressed and asleep.You’ll know you’ve found a truly nice guy when you feel no obligation toward him and no remorse for rejecting him.He will demand no explanation for your decision not to date or sleep with him because he respects your autonomy.They don’t think they deserve a badge reading “Nice Guy” for that basic courtesy.Many women are taught that because of their appearance, race, ability status, or other traits, they are undesirable, so people are doing them a favor for paying any attention to them at all, even if they’re disrespectful or abusive.doesn’t help either: Movies and TV are full of “nice” men who finally obtain the leading lady’s affections through perseverance once she realizes how nice he is (think Ross in Friends or Lenny in The Big Bang Theory).
Accusing women of rejecting them just because they’re not jerks is a convenient way for them not to examine themselves.
At the time, I wasn’t well versed in what a self-identified “nice guy” (also sometimes known in feminist circles as Nice Guys™) actually was: someone who feels entitled to women for his supposed kindness.
behavior– which is based on one’s sense of superiority stemming from one’s “nice guy” status and usually accompanied by indignation when women reject the “nice guy” – is actually a telltale sign that someone is not nice.
Someone who is a great friend for you may not be the best boyfriend for you, and that’s okay.
And even if he could hypothetically be a good boyfriend, you may just not feel that way about him, and that’s okay too.
He’d rather make sure you feel safe than make sure he feels desired.